Friday, February 21, 2014

How The People We Once Loved Become Strangers Again

It’s interesting to think about how we make people who used to be everything into nothing again. How we learn to forget. How we force forgetting. What we put in place of them in the interim. The dynamics afterward always tell you more than what the relationship did — grief is a faster teacher than joy – but what does it mean when you cycle out to being strangers again? Because you never really stop knowing each other in that way. Maybe there’s no choice but to make them someone different in your mind, not the person who knew your daily anxieties and what you looked like naked and what made you cry and how much you loved them.
When our lives revolve around someone, they don’t just stop revolving around them even if all that’s left is the grief and pain that comes with their memory. Because you loved them, there will always be parts of them that linger. The memories that are impressed on the places you went and the things you said and the songs you listened to will remain. We all eventually find ourselves standing in the checkout line, hearing one of those songs come on and realizing that all of a sudden, we’re revolving around them again. And maybe we never stopped.
Do you ever really forget your lovers’ birthdays, or all your first times, intimate and not? Do your anniversaries ever become normal days of the year again? Are the things you did and promises you made ever really neutralized? Do they become void now that you’re broken up or do you decidedly ignore them because there’s simply no other choice? The mind tells you to go on, and forces your heart to follow suit I guess.
I want to believe that you either love someone, in some way, forever, or you never really loved them at all. That once two reactive chemicals cross both are changed. That the wounds we leave in people are sometimes too raw to risk falling back into them. I don’t want to believe that we write each other off because we simply don’t matter anymore. I know love isn’t expendable. I wonder, and maybe hope, if we ever just force it to be out of that necessity.
Maybe it’s just that we’re all at the centers of our own little universes, and sometimes they overlap with other people’s, and that small bit of intersection leaves some part of it changed; that’s where we grow together. The collision can wreck us, change us, shift us; sometimes we become eternally undetachable and connected and other times we decidedly move away because the change required to accept another person’s universe colliding with yours is a safety we don’t want to leave. Either way, it’s inevitable that your universe expands. That you’re left knowing that much more about love and what it can do, and the pain that only a hole in your heart can bring. Whether or not that hole will ever again include the person who made it that way, that’s for you to decide.
We all start as strangers. The choices we make in terms of love are usually ones that seem inevitable anyway. We find people irrationally compelling. We find souls made of the same stuff ours are. We find classmates and partners and neighbors and family friends and cousins and sisters and our lives intersect in a way that makes them feel like they couldn't have ever been separate. And this is lovely. But the ease and access isn't what we crave. It isn't what I’m writing about right now. It isn't what we revolve around after it’s gone. We are all just waiting for another universe to collide with ours, to change what we can’t ourselves. To fill us, to make us whole. It’s interesting how afterwards, we realize that the storm returns to calm, but the stars are always changed and we don’t choose whose collisions change us. We all start as strangers. But we forget that often, the only thing we do choose is who ends up a stranger too. 

(http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2014/02/how-the-people-we-once-loved-become-strangersagain/#P2lsI0v6QdIRPGs6.01)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Last three years

I can't even....don't know know why I'm back to blogging.
I actually went to read the few very first posts and it brought back plenty of memories.
So maybe, yes maybe in future, this post will serve that purpose too.

Anyway, so after three years,  many things had changed, many still remained.

As we were all busy with school, work and stuff, 
hardly met up with the girls as we're all in different schools now.
Moreover, the distance itself is already far plus internship plus holiday jobs etc.

Made many new friends, and started working part time.
There are still plenty of nice people around,
sometimes I do wonder if they are really that nice or it is just in front of me that they...
Well, things like this I would probably never figure out.

Early last year, went with the school for some YEP trip.
Though two weeks, it's probably one of the best experiences in my entire three years.
Made plenty of new people and experienced living alone;
 without my family for two weeks for the first time.
Previously it was at most a week, two weeks seemed pretty long at first....
Would like to go back again, in the near future or really soon if I get the chance.

Anyway, yes some things have not changed much,
still can't make eye contact, like seriously after so long.
I don't know just....and also being so awkward. Hahaha, no really.
It just comes and sometimes I don't even realize, 
and yes, those phrases that I use very very very often.
Hah, when I was in secondary school I used to have those phrases that I use of often,
(which I can't really remember already) and then in poly, it's still the same.
"Can you stop", "Aiyah so awkward" Hahaha so weird! 

Dogs. Cats. Animals actually. These these these.
As much as I love to just look from a distance, going close is just not a good idea (for now).
Been like saying since forever that I'm going to volunteer at some pet shelter but....
Okay, probably my resolution for the next three years hah.

Giving back to the society. A good change right lol.
Shall not elaborate otherwise I'll sound like a saint. hahah, kidding. 

2014. Been over six years and counting since we got together.
He decided to further his studies overseas and will be back in another four years.
I didn't think LDR will work out, anyway. Maybe it will, but no I can't do.

Be it together or not, I can't deny that on the 28th of each month, 
inside, I'm still counting the number of months. I will stop and should had long ago.

Anyway, now, school's over and I'm (still) thinking about what to do in life.
Which degree I want to take and if it will be the right choice.
This is like important maybe? As once decided,
I shouldn't be switching halfway or having similar thoughts.

"What do you what to do after you graduate?" No, I don't know.
But I'm starting to imagine myself five years down the road.
Ohmygod, I shouldn't right? Yes, no, maybe? 

Too much thoughts and plenty of time now.
Sufficient reason for me to procrastinate hah.

I should be sleeping because I gotta wake up early tomorrow.

So many things to do, so little time. Wait am I contradicting myself.

Okay ciao~

25 Random Acts Of Kindness We Should All Be Doing More Often

1. Donating some used books. Though having a collection of them is lovely, so is sharing with people who couldn't otherwise afford to buy them new. And when you do, write a note to the next person inside the front cover.
2. Inviting new people into your friend group, or at least making a sincere effort to include everyone who is already in it.
4. Sharing your umbrella with a stranger.
5. Stopping negative conversations when you realize that you are a part of them or standing up for someone who other people are speaking ill of without their knowledge. The only way to stop the vicious cycle is by actively choosing to do so, one instance at a time.
6. Acknowledging people who work in maintenance at your office or apartment building. Asking them how they’re doing, getting to know them. Just the gesture of taking an interest in the people who many often blatantly ignore is enough to at least make their day.
10. Calling your parents.
11. Striking up a conversation with the person you’re stuck with in the elevator, rather than just pretending they don’t exist.
12. Sharing an article that made you smile or think.
13. Grabbing your roommate/significant other’s favorite food while you’re out shopping. It probably doesn't cost much, it’s a tiny gesture of love, but one that will make them really happy (and they’ll probably return the favor eventually too– not that it matters).
14. Sending actual letters to people. Texts and emails are cute, but handwritten cards and letters are the things that people save for the rest of their lives.
16. Sitting and talking with your grandparents, not out of obligation but interest. So often people interact with their relatives as a matter of routine and duty, not because they are awesome people with wisdom and stories and love. The idea that friendship can only exist between people of the same age range is insane.
18. Though it’s probably a cliché at this point, spend a night at a food kitchen in your area. I did so in college with a few friends and interacting with the people there, people with children, grandparents, babies, who were clearly sick and unwell, all getting out of the cold for a little bit to eat something, was almost a revelation for me.
20. Giving up your seat on a subway. I once had someone do this for me– only once– and yet I still think of it as one of the kindest things someone’s done for me, especially at the end of a grueling day in unseemly pumps.
21. Using the classic tactic of “praise, critique, praise” when in the position of giving honest feedback. People are too quick to criticize and too often to sugar coat that which doesn't benefit the person by avoiding.
22. Apologizing first.
23. Taking your younger sibling (or some other small person) out for a day you would have loved to have at that age.
24. Donating the higher end things that you don’t need anymore, like sports equipment or formal wear, because in reality, those are the things that people will struggle to afford if they’re hurting financially anyway. They can probably find another t-shirt anywhere.
25. Saying “I love you” first.
Things that I should start trying to do in 2014. 

(http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2014/02/25-random-acts-of-kindness-we-should-all-be-doing-more-often/)

Monday, February 10, 2014

Almost two years

It had been almost two years since I last wrote.
Two years since I blogged.
Two years since.....

So much happened these two years and I can't summarize them within one blog post.
I'll probably update this slowly once this week ends or something.

YES, I'M GRADUATING.
THIS BLOG IS SEVEN YEARS OLD (ALMOST).

Time to sit down and consider my options before deciding.
I'm going to have a hard time deciding sigh.


Recently, painting a lot and as usual procrastinating.
Used to like taking photographs, not as much now.
And a lot more which I will cover, in a bit.

Too late, almost two in the morning and I should sleep.
LAST DAY OF MY POLY LIFE TOMORROW *-*

Friday, February 7, 2014

To That Person I Fell In Love With When the Timing Was Just Not Right

"First of all, let it be known here and now that I did love you. I was only ever cold to you that one time because I cared too much. I didn’t know how I was supposed to act when you heightened such a keen sense of passion in me. I could never think normally when I was around you. Some say that infatuation is different from love but what I felt for you bordered in between. I loved you despite your faults but I also crushed on you like you were the best thing since coffee. You woke me up. You did wake me up.


I was raised by vintage Harlequin books that I used to secretly read when my parents weren’t around. I used to believe that love was breath-taking, consuming and potent – it was all these things and more. Love has the ability to break you down like a mere puzzle piece. You thought you were a complete picture. That you have everything figured out. Here I come, world, be ready because I am here to face you. But one person can come into your life and make you rethink everything. And I mean everything.
They will make you ask questions that you never dreamed of before. They will make you want to be better- be someone they would never dream of leaving. They will make you cling to them like a life raft, how can you live without them now when you couldn’t even imagine how life was before you met them?

Here comes the kick: “It’s not you, it’s me”. I could kick myself for using that line. How original can I get? But it couldn’t be any truer. I loved everything about you but I hate everything that I am becoming because of these feelings I harbour for you. I’ve become someone who’s constantly afraid of fucking up because I just can’t imagine losing you that I have lost myself in this process of wanting to be yours. I want to be the person who sees how the morning light touches your face while you’re still sleeping peacefully. I want to hold your hand. I want to take silent walks with you wherein we don’t even need to talk. I loved the totality of your person but I just don’t like me anymore.

I know that loss is bound to happen but I just can’t get the fear out of my head. You might think that I am departing because I don’t want to lose you. That is partly true. But really, I am leaving because I’m losing me.

I wish you the best in life. Truly, I do. Nothing would make me happier than to see you happy even if I am not a part of your happiness. Make music. Live the life you want to live. You deserve nothing less than genuine happiness. Maybe someday you’ll meet a person worthy of you. And maybe I’ll meet one worthy of me too.

Maybe someday, we’ll meet again and realize that we were always meant to be but we just met when the timing wasn't right. Maybe we could try again. And we can finally take that walk."

http://thoughtcatalog.com/anonymous/2013/08/to-that-person-i-fell-in-love-with-when-the-timing-was-just-not-right/

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Never had guessed.

I'm back to blogging (again).

Yes i know it's kind of old fashioned;
but oh well, it's all good (:

Probably four months since I really sat down and blogged.
Totally, idkkk. Mixed feelings when I decided to re-blog again :l

Yesterday night, didn't manage to sleep much,
actually, it was that can't get to bed despite tossing and turning.
was thinking a lot yesterday night - really really a lot.

Seems like I'm not talking and crapping as much as before.
Probably being more serious about things around me.
Isn't really a good thing right? I really don't know, but the people around me just seem too, serious?

This course wasn't really one of my first choice. Then again, I don't really mind.
It's probably the people that makes me think twice sometimes.

Secondary school days would probably be one of the best memories so far :')

All those crazy things our clique did together.
Who actually in the right mind would be doing that.
But we did. It was rather childish I admit.

Thinking back, those are memories :')

Staying back in school with clique, until school almost closes.
Rushing around the school, to submit our work. That was during the busy exam period.
Not forgetting, rushing through file checks :X Yes, pigeon holes and eagles. 

I miss those uniquely JWSS terms.

Sometimes it seems more like I can't get it.
But these are really good memories hard to forget (:

I'm not sure it's if it's the people i hang out around who are making me feel this way.

I wouldn't normally show how I feel on the outside.
It's often said to be hard to tell how i'm feeling inside.

So, it's time to get back reality.
I've got tons of assignments due.
Exams coming up, gotta really study.

Stress would probably never be printed all over my face, neither said in speech.
Even sometimes would be saying that, there's nothing to be stressed about &
just take whatever that comes and we shall see how.
Anyway, doesn't really matter much, does it.

Still quite a few things to look forward to, period.

Shall end here now, get back to reality.

Gonna do my fp assignment due tmr.



Saturday, May 7, 2011

School staaaaaaarted ;D

School started.

It had been, almost half a year since i blogged. busy busy busy.
LOL. Okaaaaay, school has been good. Polling day today.


Lazyyy to blog uh :/

Thursday, December 30, 2010

いてから数十億年私はここで何かを
書試験は、最後に上に最終的には
私は、かなり長い既にされていた知っている
しかし、私はちょうど私が今それについて書くと思った
休日は、中に当初から楽しかった
それは退屈超となった  -.-

何も多く、について書くことに
まあ、家で腐敗を待機している
結果はすぐにユーバーを予定されている :/
うまくいけば、すべてがが出罰金になります。
ことが、私はするコースに入るために
SPは、うまくいけば

それが今、ここで雨が降っている
12月には、雨が降って、ため息を続けている..
いずれにせよ、それはほとんど2011年の超高速のです。
時間は確かに飛ぶ。

スーパーは長い私は、日本語で書いてから
うまくいけば、まだ錆びていません

仕事を今年のホリデーが見仕事でしたしませんでした。
レイジー、あなたはそれを呼び出すことができます。
私それを呼び出す "人生を楽しむ" ._.



すべてが今も元気になります ♥

Thursday, June 17, 2010

:D

Went out ystd ;D
thanks for yesterday ^^
Lol, went for movie, karate kid,
it was good, and touching ._.
And birthday wishes on fbbb ^^

Thanks loads all :D